Do you still have your period?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
