Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
