dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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