I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
