No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Boobs speak an international language.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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