I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
