First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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