and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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