if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
