This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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