I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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