just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
