apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
