You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
