chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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