We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
