I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
