i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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