I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
