I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
