I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
