my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I love having hate sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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