I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
