Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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