Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
this is an emotional support booty call
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
