i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
