Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
