We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
