I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
