When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
