Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
