I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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