youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
