TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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