My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
