And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
