And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
