i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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