And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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