I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
