what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
