remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
