She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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