Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
