My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
