just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
