I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
