Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
