His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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