i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
