There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He? As in you personified your dick?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
