upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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