plz talk dirty to me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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