Yo dont text me then not text me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
