Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His hands were made for my vagina.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
