Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
