oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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