If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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