3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
3pm strippers are depressing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
