her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
