She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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