All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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