Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am available for nakedness
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
