he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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