i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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