What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
