i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
