I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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