Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
